Fabulous Friday Fives

This is going to seem like a really out of the blue, completely random blog.

But you see, I'm inspired.

I'm inspired by the "Ten Things I'm Thankful For Tuesday" blog done by the fabulous Becca Dean
& the "Thanks on Thursday" blog done by the lovely Claire Maxwell.

So here I go... about to list five reasons why today is a FABULOUS day!!!

1.) It is 11/11/11 - How cool is that?!?! We wont get to experience this day for another 100 years when it'll be 11/11/111 (because it'll be the year 2111 & I have no idea how they'll decide to record the years - whether it'll start again & be 11/11/11 or they'll go up in hundreds & the day will be 11/11/111 but never mind.

This day is still a special day for weirdos like me who find it extra special. Then again some people (the same sort of people who thought 06/06/06 was judgement day) believe today is the end of the world - well it sucks to be you people because that's just depressing.

Although I have to give it to you! If today was the end of the world & you truly believed that it was... hopefully you lived life up to this moment as amazingly as possible (which, to be honest, you should be doing anyway)

2.) Tonight is the Rootz Youth Film Club in Chorleywood!!! Oh yeah!!! I love this time of the month. Why? Because once I've helped set up all the bits & bobs I get to sit down in the most amazing coffee shop in the area (I am not joking. It is AMAZING) & have a much needed cup of coffee or treat myself to a lovely Oreo Milkshake & watch a film. It may be an old film or it may be a new film BUT BUT BUT it doesn't matter.

The company is lovely, the drinks & snacks are lush, the films are pretty awesome (if I do say so myself) & it's just such a pleasant way to spend a Friday night. Oh yeah & the youth are alright too.

This would be us setting up :) This picture is found on Becca Dean's review of the coffee shop xx

3.) The fact that I haven't experienced everything in this world. That is something so incredibly random to find fabulous. But seriously... IT IS!!!

There I was sitting in Rootz (see above) having a coffee (a sort of warm up coffee before the film club... oh & chit chats with the lovely Claire x) & I hear about all sorts of things I could do & have never experienced. I heard more about The Rex Cinema which I really can't wait to go to one day soon. It looks so effing good!

I heard more about this pinterest hullabaloo - which was first explained to me earlier in the week by Becca. I find myself wanting to experience it. Whether I like it or not doesn't matter. It's something to try.

Then, finally, I was reintroduced to charity shops. I know that sounds daft but listen... You can walk past a charity shop & think "oh all that stuff looks crap because it's not brand new". Have an open mind please! Because you can walk into a charity shop & you can find the most amazing things... a brilliantly designed pack of cards... beautifully designed mugs... a cheap jacket that is of amazing quality etc. Because I have discovered this... I am going to charity shops more often.

They're so cool!

4.) I survived a day at work.

You see... I work in a taxi firm answering the telephones whenever someone rings for a cab. But it can be a mentally exhausting job because I'm stuck in a little cabin outside a train station & I have to put up with drivers, who are mostly middle-aged or older, moaning about this, that & the other! Also, my coworkers can be rather difficult at times. Oh & the passengers... some are nice... others are rude.

But today... nothing got to me. I joked, I worked, I had a longer lunch break than I was meant to & I got in later than I should.

All in all... a good day!

5.) Finally today is fabulous because I have so much to look forward to over the next few months.

From cinema trips to meals to the most random of things with the lovely Girlfriend & lovely friends.

It's going to be epic!

Me

This is about me.

Who am I? The answer is: I'm seriously messed up.

I suffer from anxiety that strikes me in the most annoying situations (For example: social situations, being in locations I'm not familiar with etc).

I have a small family that has been through so much & one side of my family is still so distant. I'm trying to rebuild it for myself... because I miss them. I miss them so much & I'm afraid that when my friends leave me... I'll be all alone. I need family to support me... & the only ones who have any hope of understanding me... of supporting me... have either died... or lost contact.

A person who means a great deal to me is leaving my life... as so many other people have done in the past... & I'm scared that, like all those other people, contact will be lost & it'll feel like they were never in my life in the first place...

I'm scared that everyone else who is currently in my life will see me for what I am (or as someone I know would say: What I believe I am) & that they'll run away.

I'm also scared that people are hidden behind masks. That the mask they're waring is a smile but underneath... they're truly laughing at me. Laughing at my weight... my looks... my mistakes... my stupidity... everything.

I hate my job. Sure it's ideal because the pay is good & I'm able to do other things as well as work such as youth work, films, admin, social etc. But I hate it. I work with idiots. Idiots who fart & don't care even though it makes me feel sick. Idiots who smoke around me & don't care. Idiots who take the piss out of me constantly. Idiots who belittle me. Idiots who moan constantly about money & about work. Everything gets to me & it's mentally exhausting for 6 days a week.

I'm jealous of everyone. I swim in a sea of envy. I envy people's confidence. I envy people's family. I envy people's friends. I envy people's jobs. I envy almost everything about everyone. Because they're not me.

I feel so little in the world that I feed off attention & admiration. I wish that I could have some sort of recognition. But no. That will not happen.

I fear my future because I know more pain is coming my way soon. I think my Gran is going to die soon, she always looks so weak. I'm scared of going to the Doctor's because I'm afraid of what they'll tell me... that I have some illness that I don't even know about...

This is my life. This is what I think about everyday. & it drives me insane.

There's nothing quite like a busy weekend

Thursday night - Time to challenge myself

Well lets see now. I started my evening off with chicken & mushroom sauce with rice - a rather odd concoction from my bizarre but lovely girlfriend.


Then I decided to dive into the deep end & volunteer at a different youth group. I've considered doing this before but the time just never seemed right because of my err anxiety issues. I did attend before but no one turned up which, to me, felt like a sign. Nevertheless last Thursday I went along to a Film Night at the Youth Group (My speciality if I do say so myself) so I brought along some DVDs & see what I thought.


The youth aren't really my cup of tea. I mean they're not the sort of people I'd hang out with regularly. I suppose if I were to stereotype them (which I try to avoid doing) I'd call them "chav". This doesn't mean I dislike them. Far from it. It just means they may find it difficult to relate with me if that makes sense?


Anyway... moving on...


They all started watching a film & I stayed in the kitchen talking with one of the Ladies who runs the Youth Group to find out more about it (because I'm a nosey sod). I have to admit it does sound really good. One of the youth came in & started talking with the Youth Leader about all sorts of gossipy stuff & I loved it. I didn't say anything because they didn't know me & I didn't feel it was my place but I did love hearing about their lives (& while this was going on I was enjoying the most amazing sweet popcorn EVER!!!).


By the end of the evening I really did feel like this is something I could try to help out with... this is something I want to give a go. Sure it may blow up in my face (like the Prince's Trust Programme) but if I stuck at it... Maybe, just maybe, I could make some positive difference to these Youth's lives. Time will tell!

Friday - Fright Night @ Chessington



Such a busy day! I woke up at 6:30am so I could have a shower & relax for a little bit (some time on the Xbox too hehe) but then off I went to Chessington for a day out with my regular Youth Group.


Because it was Fright Night & Halloween was approaching - the Theme Park was PACKED! Not joking... We had to park in a field because their normal car park was overflowing that much! (My SatNav was not amused). Then into the Theme Park we went.


I was put in charge of my own little Youth Squad. The only little problem with my Squad was one particular young person who I shall call... Tarzan :) Tarzan is a very impatient person. He decided that 30 mins was far too long to be in a queue & so he complained. & complained. & complained. But he soon learnt that 30 mins in a queue... is a blessing compared to the other queues that day.


All in all it was a great time at the Theme Park. Many people conquered fears. One youth went on a ride for the very first time! One youth leader decided to headbutt a sign. Two lads dressed up in a shirt & tie as a statement - oh dear. But what was the most pleasant part is that I got chatting to the Youth & the other Youth Leaders & it was great. I began to feel so comfortable with them & loved hearing everything they'd talk about. It was great.

Not only that but... Chessington was the first Theme Park I went to where I could actually go on the rides (my family used to go to Alton Towers but I was always too young) so it was strange walking around the place remembering being there going on the rides for the first time over a decade ago!

The only downside to this time at Chessington was...
Getting a phone call at 6pm asking me to work a 12 hour shift the very next day!
& the last ride...

 Quite a lot of the Youth & Leaders went off around 6pm - a nice sensible time. But one group wished to stay to go on the Vampire Ride which I decided to go on as well. How foolish of me! The queue time said 100 mins... It felt so much longer. Sure the ride was fun to do in the dark... but the queueing was murder! Each time we believed to be getting closer to the ride... we discovered we were still aaaaages away. This did not bode well... Especially as the Girlfriend & I had a dinner appointment with some people at 9pm & we were still queueing at 8:30pm lol

Friday Night - Dinner with the Peeps!

Once we eventually rode Chessington... I had about 15 mins to travel 43 miles... Yeah that was impossible. My SatNav was no help either. I was in a queue of cars on our way out of the car park (the only way out) & my SatNav wanted me to do a U-Turn... Oh dear!

But I would not give up... & I did end up late... but only by 15 mins. I had never concentrated on driving so much in my life!

By the time we reached Frankie & Benny's the peeps were already in convo & laughing together. The girlfriend & I sat down but I already felt so out of place. I know I should have made the effort & talked but it was so difficult to do! Why? I had spent a whole day surrounded by people & I was just so... tired. Not only that but do you ever feel like you just need some time to yourself? To mellow? Well that's how I felt. I hope I didn't spoil any one's evening - there's always that fear.

Saturday - The most boring day at work ever!

After 4 hours sleep I woke up at 5am & headed off to work for 6am. At work in a cab firm... You can have so many different type of days...
You can be busy where the phones are constantly ringing & you just want to yank your hair out.
You can have a steady day where the phone rings here & there... The cars are moving to-and-fro...
Or the most boring shift imaginable...

Where the phone is hardly ringing... you have 10 taxis sitting outside the office... & you have taxi drivers moaning on & on & on.

The only blessing about Saturday is because I felt so unbelievable tired... for some reason... time seemed to be moving quite steadily.

So my readers! That was my weekend. Sunday isn't worth mentioning because I spent the day either at the Pub with Girlfriend & Dad or on the Xbox.

I hope you found it riveting!