Throughout my life there have been many situations. I have witnessed family break ups, bullying, abandonment, death, hospitals & depression (which I've apparently been through myself - or so the doctor's have told me).
Thanks to my experiences of all things crappy I have also been labled many things: depressed, angry, user, bully, manipulator, manwhore, immature, superhero, rock & various other things. So thanks to the support of friends I have been to see Doctor's & Counsellors to deal with these things I've been through.
I've been with my latest Counsellor for quite a few months now and we discuss all sorts of things from holidays to families to christmas to school to work to people. I have even discussed with him my routines... How I'm picky about food, that I get a bit frustrated if my routines get broken. We even discuss how I sometimes notice even the smallest things about my surroundings (such as I can notice when a window in a room is not shut properly) and how I'm never comfortable if things aren't quite how they should be.
An example of that being something like... The thought of camping terrifies me because I can't bare to think of not being in a bed... not being able to have decent toilet or shower facilities... I have even been to sleepovers where I try to sleep on sofas of floors & I can't sleep at all so I end up leaving in the middle of the night.
So after explaining all these various routines & mannerisms etc over time, my Counsellor developed an interesting theory that he finally shared with me last night. He said I show the traits of someone with Autism.
Now that statement didn't really throw me. I'm sure it would throw more normal people but not moi. Why? Well...
During my time at the Prince's Trust when I was helping to run a Personal Development Team Programme I came across a young lad with quite severe Autism. I became quite interested in how he'd perceive things & his reactions. I began to notice similiarities between him & myself so considered that maybe I could be Autistic too & that's why I've always felt odd.
Hopefully my Counsellor is mistaken & I'm just an odd chap. I know I'm not Autistic but I could just simply be more Autistic than most other people if that makes sense?
I took an online test... Average people score around 16 & I got 22 whereas people with Autism score 32 or higher. I find it's a load of codswallop!!! How on Earth can you answer questions like that honestly? You can try but, in my opinion, it always depends on the situation & on my mood.
Such as: "I enjoy social chitchat" - Do you strongly agree? Slightly agree? Slight disagree? Strongly disagree? Umm... IT DEPENDS ON HOW I'M FELLING!!!
I hate tests like that so much. I remember taking a similiar test at the Doctor's for depression & I find them sooooo annoying. Plus, maybe other people have different opinions to myself on the answers?
Okay time for me to calm down now... I'm not sure what to do next. I know I'm not a fully fledged Autistic person. I'm not even sure I'm slightly Autistic. Perhaps I have a normalish personality that mirrors Autism. The way I understand it is... If I was Autistic... It's not something that's majorly affecting my life. So I am planning to go on with my life as normal.
Thank you Diary, you have been most helpful in letting me rant my thoughts about this :)
No comments:
Post a Comment